From a Woman Who’s Been There

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An Open Letter to Rihanna

Miley takes a break from her May 2009 Glamour cover shoot with photographer Peggy Sirota to play a little game of “Would You Rather.”

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VIDEO: Miley Cyrus Plays "Would You Rather" with Glamour!

Sponsor: RelationshipHeadquarters.com What do men really want in a woman? After years of listening to women in my private practice, many seem to think that men expect nothing less than perfection. If you were to visit some popular men’s websites such as; askmen.com or maximum.com you would certainly think that unless a woman is both highly attractive and incredibly accommodating, that men have no interest. This is not really accurate. At least not in the way you might think. I often illustrate this to women by asking this question: “If you had a choice between two men and everything about them was exactly the same, with the exception of one being worth millions and one being poor, who would you prefer? Would you select the wealthy one, or the one who was poor?” You Know the Answer: If they were equal in all other aspects, most women state that they would choose the wealthy gentleman. I mean, why not if everything else is equal? Now when men hear this some are likely to say, “That’s right, all a woman cares about is a guy who makes a lot of money.” In fact, that conclusion would be incorrect. A man would be wrong to assume that just because a woman likes the characteristic of a man with money that she cannot love a man unless he is wealthy. In fact, most women I speak with tell me this, “It isn’t that he has to make a certain amount, but I would like to know that he has the potential to make enough for me to feel comfortable.” In fact, most women are willing and/or expect to help out financially. This same standard applies to men. If given the choice between…. To continue reading Click Here

…according to Dave Ramsey, at least! money religion kids in-laws (thanks for this Gabe!)

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4 Things Couples Should Agree on before Marriage

(Taken from Captivating . The chapter on “Beauty to Unveil”) Read this ladies! Beauty is what the world longs to experience from a woman. We know that. Somewhere down deep, we know this to be true. Most of our shame comes from this knowing and feeling that we have failed here. So listen to this: beauty is an essence that dwells in every woman. It was given to her by God. It was given to you…Beauty is powerful. Beauty may be the most powerful thing on earth. Beauty speaks . Beauty invites. Beauty nourishes . Beauty comforts. Beauty inspires. Beauty is transcendent . Beauty draws us to God. As Simone Weil wrote: The beauty of the world is almost the only way which we can allow God to penetrate us…Beauty captivates the senses in order to obtain permission to pass straight through to the soul…The soul’s inclination to love beauty is the trap that God most frequently uses in order to win it. Beauty is the most essential and, yes, the most misunderstood of all the feminine qualities. We want you to hear clearly that it is an essence every woman carries from the moment of her creation. The only things standing in the way of our beauty are our doubts and fears, and the hiding and striving we fall to as a result… So then you can see that when we speak about the essence of a woman–her beauty– we don’t mean “the perfect figure.” The beauty of a woman is first a soulish beauty. We know– it’s a harder jump to make. We’ve lived so long under the pressure to be beautiful. But stay with the thought for a moment, because it will really help. The beauty of a woman is first a soulful beauty. And yes, as we live it out, own it, inhabit our beauty, we do become more lovely. More alluring. As the poet Gerard Manley Hopkins wrote, “Self flashes off frame and face.” Our true self becomes reflected in our appearance. But it flows from the inside out… The essence of a woman is Beauty. She is meant to be the incarnation–our experience in hman form— of a Captivating God. A God who invites us. Your thoughts readers???

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Beauty: The Most Misunderstood of All Female Qualities

After nearly a year of dedicated service, my intern, Glenda, is in a happy relationship. I’d like to think that my advice helped pave the way, but the truth is, she did it all herself. What this means is she’s moving on from this blog, which creates an exciting opening for another dedicated intern. The candidate I’m This is a content summary only. Click the title to read the full article and post your comments. And don’t forget to get my free eBook, The 5 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Your Love Life - and How to Turn Them Around Instantly! Just go to: http://www.evanmarckatz.com/newsletter.html

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Your Chance to Contribute to My Blog!

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What Love Is

Dear Evan, I broke up with my girlfriend of 11 months three months ago. I pulled the trigger but I think that if I hadn’t she would have within a month, we were fighting so much. We are both young (20-21) and in college, and were both each others’ first real relationship. My problem is that, after This is a content summary only. Click the title to read the full article and post your comments. And don’t forget to get my free eBook, The 5 Massive Mistakes You’re Making in Your Love Life - and How to Turn Them Around Instantly! Just go to: http://www.evanmarckatz.com/newsletter.html

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My Ex Girlfriend Wants To Be Friends With Benefits But I Still Have Feelings For Her

Chill out:) Don’t think of it as an interview where you’re being judged and evaluated. (even though you are!) I had a friend come and visit me during the holidays. He brought two other guys with him. Usually, I get into this frantic cleaning mode and get all stressed out, until I realized something that I realize applies not only to having house guests, but also applies to dating. It’s not about impressing people. It’s not about entertaining people. The focus should be about fun and friendship (or with dating– hanging out and getting to know people) As soon as I realized that people are responsible for their own enjoyment on a date (or as my house guests) and I don’t need to impress anyone (I just have to be myself) I realized that people put their own set of pressures on themselves. They set out to impress instead of just being themselves. They make it their responsibility to make everyone happy and make sure everyone is enjoying themselves. Then they don’t enjoy themselves. It’s self-defeating and pointless. If you date someone who also thinks it’s your responsibility that you’re both having fun, it’s better to find out sooner than later so you can ‘call it a night’ early and move on to people who make having fun and enjoying themselves their own responsibility! And why try to impress? If you’re being yourself from the get-go, I think you’ll impress people because you’re self-assured and at peace with yourself. Now that’s attractive. So, I encourage you to give yourself a little pep talk before every date. Repeat after me: I’m here to have fun and enjoy myself, but I’m not responsible for any one else’s enjoyment or happiness. I’m here to get to know someone and allow them to get to know the real me, but I’m not here to impress them, put on a show, or entertain.

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How to Put the Fun Back into Dating

(Photo via Leloveimage ) This is the second part of the question from a reader. Reader Question: Just wondering how can I be less “possessive?” My girl thinks I am. The Girl’s Answer: The way to not be possessive is to show through your words and actions that you trust her completely. Don’t ask her where she’s going, what she’s doing, who she’ll be with. Let her always volunteer that information. When you demonstrate you trust someone, they are more likely (if they love you) going to follow suite and be trustworthy. When you give people breathing space, they will want to be with you more. Don’t volunteer advice unless she asks for it. Let her make her own decisions and let her know, “I trust you completely. Do what’s right for you. Just know I’m here for you if you need my advice or my opinion.” I know how a non-possessive man acts because that’s all I’ve ever dated. Never fish for reasons to be jealous. Trust and give her the benefit of the doubt, ALWAYS. Then if she does something wrong, you know you come out the innocent, loving party. Basically never ask her something out of your fear that she will do something wrong. Only ask her things if you are TRULY concerned about her well-being or just want to get to know her. Let LOVE dominate your words and your actions not a FEAR of losing her or a fear of her being unfaithful. Also, you can just straight up ask her: What do I do or say that makes me seem possessive? Then correct that action:) I also want to add this: The key is not in saying the right things but in first thinking the right things. Your mouth opens to say words but the mouth only reveals the heart’s intentions. I find that people usually act out of love or fear. Possessiveness is acting out of fear. I’ve always cared more about a person’s intentions rather than just what their actions are. Instead of making it a goal to not appear possessive, start at the root problem. For example, you don’t want to be a person who just says humble things, you want to be a humble person who automatically acts humble as a result. In the same way, you don’t want to just play the part of a non-possessive partner, you want to be a non-possessive partner. That begins with thinking of your partner as trustworthy, letting her be free to live her own life and make her own decisions, and believing that she wants to be with you so you can be free to focus on loving her instead of monitoring her decisions. Don’t let your fears (all possesiveness I believe has a root in fear) become a self-fulfilling prophecy. I notice in life people typically get what they expect. Expect that your partner cares for you and has the best intentions. Even in their humanness and mistakes, they wouldn’t do anything to purposefully harm or hurt you. The majority of the time these positive expectations become the reality.

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For Men: How to NOT Appear Possessive